We are trying to process this new normal. This new way of life- where we are in this day and try to handle it the best we can.
We have made it to Tenerife, Spain. We are beyond thankful for the Spainish officials to let us port here. So many have been asking why we left Senegal in the first place. The choice was made to leave Senegal because we had to end the field service with the Covid-19 crisis going on and therefore we were not being any help to the country. We actually could be more harm if our crew got sick. If one of our crew members were to get sick they would have to go to the Senegalese hospitals. Due to their healthcare system already being at capacity, we did not want to overwhelm their facilities more. Some have asked why haven’t we helped with covid-19. We are not a ship that could take on that responsibility at this time, after all this is a surgical ship not equipped to handle infectious disease. Every action we have taken has been strictly to keep our patients and our crew safe and healthy. Right now our mission is do what we can as far as maintenance for the ship so that when the time comes and we are allowed to start another field service, we will be ready. To clarify though, this is not like being on a cruise or vacation. We are still being quarantined on the ship and are just trying to make the best of it.
While I am not serving as a nurse at this time, I have been asked to help in the galley (kitchen). I help prepare the meals for the remaining 240 crew members on board. I’ve done a lot of chopping veggies and washing dishes. During the sail, trying to chop vegetables was very interesting and anyone that knows me, knows I’m very clumsy in the first place. Adding a rocking ship to the mix made things quite a sight to see. haha! I didn’t know what to expect going into this new job. This is by no means what I signed up for, but at the end of the day I came to serve and at the moment this is where I am needed. It has been beyond humbling to be a part of the galley team. I serve with some awesome team members and it has been a pleasure of getting to know them. It has been so precious to see how The Lord has worked in all of us to get here to serve. If it wouldn’t have been for these unforeseen circumstances, I probably would have never met these wonderful people. My first day at work in the galley we were closing up the day with prayer and our team lead, Johny, said to us nurses, “thank you for coming to help.” I responded with my own thanks for doing this job day in and day out..More importantly, with thanks for preparing, cooking, and serving all of us food multiple times a day and expecting nothing in return. Gosh, they are just such an amazing group of people. We all come from different walks of life but we are all willing to work together to get the job done. One thing that has really stuck out to me this week has been just how selfless the housekeeping and kitchen staff are. Yes, I volunteered for three months to serve as a nurse but these wonderful people volunteered to cook food and clean the ship, every single day, for hundreds of strangers. Just let that soak in for a moment. They paid to come here and volunteer to clean community bathrooms and cook meals. For me it has meant so much to see all those that work behind the senes to make things happen. As a nurse you are on the front lines so you get to see the patients’ progress and have that connection with them. As for these other volunteers, they are working day in and day out without that. To me that has been something I have noticed that I need to be more like. Less worried about what is seen but what is unseen.
This week has been hard. I had more time to process everything that has happened. Truly, I’ve struggled. I have had my moments with God just saying, “why Lord would you bring me all this way to only have two weeks of the field service. After all this is what thought you gave me the validation for and this is where you want me.” If you have been reading my other blogs the word The Lord laid on my heart was validation. And then - news flash - we are done with surgeries. What? This makes no sense. I wanted to have purpose here. I want to feel needed, to feel like I was helping make a difference. Then it’s all been seemingly stripped away. But maybe that’s the point in all this. Maybe it’s never been about my abilities or what I came to do but what God can do through me and in my own heart. I have been praying so hard over the last year to feel loved again. Maybe, just maybe, God brought me here to teach me about the depth of His love.
I’ve really struggled with three main things: Questioning The Lord in why He brought me here on March 1st instead earlier if He knew this was going to happen, Feeling guilty for all the donations and for Global Health Collaboration helping me get here and then not being able to do nursing as long as planed, and third, selfishly, I wanted to have more time with the patients. I think we all strive to feel like we have purpose in whatever we are doing. For me, during this time The Lord has taught me a lot. For example, did I come for what I was going to gain or for what I was going to give? Maybe my purpose wasn’t to be here during a normal field service but to be here right now. To become more humble, to see behind the scenes, to take another layer of the control (I love so much) off, and for me just be present. Mostly I have felt The Lord asking,
“are you willing?”
I felt that question coming at me before I got here and even more now. My answer continues to be yes. So if I am truly willing, then it shouldn’t matter how I’m serving just as long as I am.
So here I am.
I pray I can serve with the Joy of The Lord and with a grateful heart. I think so many times we are guilty of assigning a person’s worth based on what they do. That’s the opposite of the way The Lord sees us. I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I treat people. Do I see them all as the same and love them the same? It’s been good to realize where my pride may get in the way. To be honest with myself and God, to grow deeper in my relationship with The Lord and strive to be completely selfless. For my greatest desire after all this isn’t about the relationships I’ve made, fun places I’ve been, meals I’ve helped cook, the care I gave to patients, but for having a heart after God’s own heart.
“And through it all, through it all my eyes are on You; and it is well. It is well. So let go, my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name. So let go, my soul and trust Him.”
“It Is Well” by Bethel Music- One of my favorite songs.
Written by Lauren Craig
2020 Global Health Collaboration Missions Scholarship Recipient
Working with Mercy Ships
Tenerife, Spain